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How To Love Someone Who Has Pervasive Feelings of Low Self-Worth

By Verosha Govender


We all know the saying, ‘love yourself, or no one else can love you.’ This may be an overused cliché but on the flip side, loving someone who has pervasive feelings of low self-worth could drain the both of you. Your Partners constant self-doubt due to excessively wanting to prove worthiness through possessions and accomplishments, constantly seeking external validation and the stress, mood swings and blame when they feel they're a failure can be draining. Ultimately, you must know your limits.

Dr. Adia Gooden, Clinical Psychologist and expert on how to cultivate unconditional self-worth says,"our feelings of self-worth is tied to our accomplishments and possessions and as soon as we feel like we have failed or lose external approval we experience low self-worth. When a person demands perfection of herself or himself, anything less can feel like failure resulting in feelings of low self-worth." She points out that people with low self-worth often:

  • display harsh self criticism.

  • feel stressed, unworthy and unlovable.

  • feel that having a sense of unconditional self-worth is arrogant and stifles growth.

  • sabotage relationships because they feel unworthy of love and acceptance.

  • find it difficult to forgive themselves for past mistakes and carry a lot of shame.

  • experience anxiety and depression.

Whilst you cannot be the fixer of someone's low self-worth, you can help your Partner recognise it and encourage them to seek help from a Psychologist. Encouraging your Partner to seek Professional help is healthy for your relationship because you can stop playing 'The Rescuer' who's constantly walking on egg-shells. You can also join your partner in therapy as support. Therapy can change the relationship dynamic into something comforting as both parties are free to express themselves.

Life is about experiencing each day with unconditional self-worth. Self-worth, at the end, is just you loving yourself and being happy with your authentic self and your humanity. Remember, before you can fully love someone and be in a relationship, you must first learn to love yourself unconditionally. Read our latest article on 'How To Re-claim your Self-Worth'

Adia was kind enough to share her personal experience and powerful message in her talk: “Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth.”



The information in this article is intended for your educational use only; does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the LivLush Global. No content on this site should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition and before undertaking any diet, supplement, fitness, psychological or other health program.


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